Download PDF: Advice to the Young Bride
It is reported that Sayyidah Usaamah binte Khaarijah Ghazzaari Radi Allahu ‘Anha mentioned to her daughter the following words on the occasion of her marriage:
“My daughter! You were in a nest and now you are going to another bed. One should not have fear and one should not have regrets. Bear the following points in mind:
If you become an earth for this new partner, he will become a sky.
If you become a bed for him, he will become your strong pillar.
If you become his slave, he will become your servant.
Do not become so adamant on an issue that he removes your feathers.
Do not distance yourself from him so that he can forget you.
If he becomes closer to you, then become closer to him and if he distances himself from you, then you should distance yourself as well.
Protect all his secrets so that he may only smell your sweet fragrance, (in other words, you will find him trustworthy and honest).
He should only hear good words from you so that he may display good acts towards you.” (Makaashifatul Qulub, 663)
This advice gives an indication of what a mother should advise her daughter when she is about to get married. She is about to enter the house or room of a stranger, she must be able to create an air of happiness and unity in this new environment. A young bride should perform all of those actions through which her husband can respect and display dignity towards her. She should obey the husband and also keep his secrets.
If we look at the state of affairs in the modern world, we will see that there are many homes houses in which there is argument and internal fighting. We hear every day of couples who argue over little things and some even resort to court action against each other. Finally, matters reach such a critical situation that couples even resort to divorce action.
One of the main reasons for this is that the elders are not guiding Muslim sisters on how to behave in their new homes and not teaching them the behaviours and mannerisms of the pious elders of Islam.
Today, Muslim sisters are being influenced by films and most houses have become battlefields. Divorce is resorted to for the most minor of issues. Some ask to live separately and not with parents and in laws and have actually become battle combatants instead of new family members. In other words, houses have become the plains of Hell.
One of the reasons also is that these Muslim sisters are not thought how to fit into a new house but are thought how to take over their new house. In other words, they are not sent to make peace, but are sent as army commanders whose sole task and duty is to make sure that the new environment is captured.
In the past when there was any arguments, Muslim sisters were taught how to have patience. However, today, amazing examples and advises are given to the Muslim sisters which mostly ends up in divorce.
If our Muslim sisters are given proper advice about the pious Muslims and how they spent their blessed lives, we would not have this situation which we have today. Bear in mind that a Muslim sister who is taught the proper Islamic values will certainly give birth to better Muslims of the future. Bear in mind that today’s little girl is the mother of tomorrow and as much as the mother is good, so will the children also turn out to be good and noble. This also makes the environment much healthier.